Billiard Balls and Play-Doh

I suppose it’s normal that when we reach a certain age, we naturally enter into a phase of reflection and self-analysis of our lives…where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and if our time on earth has made a difference in any significant way.  Since it’s becoming more and more apparent that I’m not on a life trajectory that will place me in the pantheon of great inventors, statesmen, philosophers or tycoons, I’ve decided to focus my efforts on a vital part of life that is more readily within my grasp, and every bit as important and rewarding – my relationships with my fellow human beings.

I’ve decided that I’ve been too much like a billiard ball and not enough like Play-Doh.  Let me explain….

If you’ve ever played pool, you know that billiard balls are hard, dense, and slick.  There is absolutely zero chance that anything from one of the balls will rub off on any of the others.  In fact, billiard balls are designed so that virtually all of their energy will be transmitted to the other balls they may come into contact with once they are set into motion.  On a pool table, contact between billiard balls is sharp and instantaneous.  “Equal and opposite”.  Over in an instant.  The vector (speed and direction) of one ball will impact the target balls with a force intended to drive them away, usually in different directions.  After that millisecond of contact, there is no evidence that they have ever even had any contact with each other.  It’s only apparent that their positions have changed, and they are usually farther apart.          

Recently, my granddaughter Margo had some new Play-Doh at our house and wanted Fawn and me to play with her.  It came in 8 small containers, each one a distinct color.  We eagerly opened up the cans and each of us got to work making our own individual creations.  Before long, I realized it was kind of boring to make something that was all one Play-Doh color.  My red monkey face obviously needed some green for the eyes, yellow for the nose, and of course some blue for the monkey’s ears.  By the time each of us had finished our works of art, it was obvious that our eight-color set of Play-Doh would never again be neatly separated into their individual colors.  No matter how hard we tried to gently peel, pluck and separate the colors, these particular blobs of Play-Doh would forever be blended, and changed. 

I’m convinced that the world desperately needs us all to be more like Play-Doh and less like billiard balls.  How many times do we totally miss out on an interesting new relationship just because we don’t take the time to get to know someone better?  In my own life, I know there have been many missed opportunities.  There have been numerous times where I settled for a quick, transactional exchange with another person when, with just a little effort, I could have perhaps added a new and meaningful relationship to my life. 

Anthropologists will someday study this time period we are currently living in and surely determine that the deep discord and divisions we have in our society could have been overcome if, on an individual level, we had simply known each other better as humans.     

I believe we’re all more alike than we’ve been led to believe.  In today’s world driven by social media and instantaneous news, the most vocal, rude and sensational personalities and politicians soak up 90% of the oxygen.  The majority of these loud voices reside in the margins, right and left.  This makes our divisions seem more severe than they really are.  I believe that the majority of us live somewhere in the center, happily co-existing with people different from us, in a world of understanding and acceptance.  The problem is we have let the loud, uncivilized and intolerant voices at both ends of the spectrum convince us that, if someone has a different opinion than ours, we must hate them and continually fight to change them, because they are just simply wrong, God bless ‘em.

Years ago, there was a saying… “the only thing in the center of the road is a yellow line and dead armadillos”.  The point of the saying was that one should take a principled stand on things.  Stand up for your beliefs and don’t be wishy-washy.  Otherwise you’d just get run-over.  

As Matthew McConaughey recently noted, these days, the middle is a pretty peaceful place, but no one talks about it.  The damage is being done by the extremists on the shoulders and off in the gutters, to the right and to the left, not up on the pavement.  The armadillos are enjoying four wide lanes of asphalt, where there’s not much crazy traffic anymore.  

Living in the middle does not require that one must abandon their principles or sacrifice their beliefs.  In this world of serious, deep divides and an endless barrage of hateful, hurtful antagonism, our salvation lies in our ability to put aside our differences and build better relationships on an individual basis.  Like Play-Doh, we humans tend to rub off on each other, whether we like it or not.  We color each other in subtle ways.  If we let it happen, the best parts of each of us stick to others we come in contact with.  

Building better relationships starts with understanding, knowing, and appreciating each other.  Since it looks like I’m not getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I think I’ll work on that.  Look out friends!